I’m such a nerd that I put the word iteration in my post title, even when I’m updating my infamous (is it really infamous??) list.

It’s that time of the year folks, when I update my list of famous women that I can sleep with and encounter no repercussions with Laura. The whole point of this list is to be some funny, fantasy thing that will almost assuredly never happen because I’ll never meet these women.

One of these days I’ll make my “Man List”. One of these days… I already know Robert Downey Jr. resides on it, but that’s all I know. Anyway, that’s a topic for another time. At the end of this post I’ll give you the reasons that anybody who might have been dropped was.

Honorable Mention: Michelle Trachtenberg

Michelle Trachtenberg

She gets an honorable mention mostly for a sidenote I’m going to make at the end. But she’s pretty and back when I first watched EuroTrip, she would have qualified for actually being on my list.

Number 5: Michelle Rodriguez

Michelle Rodriguez

She wasn’t even in consideration for Iteration2 until probably a few weeks ago. I’ve always thought she was attractive, but for some reason I decided she belonged on the list after I saw her in Avatar. I mean, she is pretty hot. Although as Laura points out, she’s “too dominant for me.” As if that’s something that matters when we’re talking about a fantasy list. But she’s pretty hot.

Number 4: Jessica Alba

Jessica Alba

Really, she belonged on the list in the first place. The only reason I never added her was because just about everybody else probably would have placed her on their list, and I’m not one to follow a crowd. But oh well, this is personal preference here, so screw everyone else and if I’m just one in the flock here! Jessica Alba is pretty damn smokin’ hot. I mean, what else is there to say? Wondering why she’s not ranked higher, perhaps?

Number 3: Rachel McAdams

Rachel McAdams

Rachel never appeared on my list before simply because I kinda forgot about her. See, I don’t fantasize about myself being with hot famous women all of the time, so I can forget when I see one and think to consider them for my list. Hell, even when I think about considering them for my list, I’ll have forgotten later that I wanted to make that consideration! And Rachel McAdams was the unfortunate recipient of such forgetfulness. She should have been on here from the get-go. Can’t break into the top two, though.

Number 2: Jenna Fischer

Jenna Fischer

She very nearly well broke into the top spot. I mean, she was really close. Hell, even a few weeks after I first posted my list, she was pretty much going to get it. But I’ll explain why she didn’t here soon. She’s still hot and still a nerd magnet, so thus she retains her spot as #2.

Number 1: Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes

I almost knocked Amanda Bynes down to #2. I mean, she dyed her hair pretty damn blonde right after I made my list and I actually didn’t really like that look on her. She looks good with darker hair. But alas, two things saved Ms. Bynes. One, she switched her hair to highlights, which looks much better on her than the blonde, and I daresay might even look better than when her hair was basically just one cohesive color. And the second? She posed in Maxim, and got to prove that she’s indeed as hot as I thought she was. In fact, that’s just what the photo I have of her above is from, her Maxim shoot. Hot indeed.

Notes

Ok, so I mentioned Michelle Trachtenberg earlier as an honorable mention, in part because I wanted to make a note here at the end. I’m not too keen on how she looks much anymore, I think she’s too “plastic” looking nowadays. But Laura and I were talking about my list earlier this week and she was suggesting people to consider for my list. She mentioned “that girl from EuroTrip.” I mentioned that I thought she was pretty hot back when that movie was made. And then I realized…

Both Michelle Trachtenberg and Amanda Bynes were stars on Nickelodeon, back when I watched that kids channel when I was a kid. It appears that I haven’t outgrown the actresses that were on TV as kids when I was a kid. I wonder if that’s part of the appeal, at all..  I’m not convinced, though. I mean, Michelle Trachtenberg is only an honorable mention, mostly because I thought this was an interesting side-note, and I nearly knocked Amanda Bynes down for Iteration 2. None of the other ladies on my list were kid stars that I watched as a kid.

In fact, had Amanda Bynes not grown up to be so damn hot, she wouldn’t be on the list in the first place.

Dropped

You may notice there is 60% turnover on my list! Dropped from the ranks are Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley and Hayden Panettiere. These three ladies are still quite attractive, but I was putting my initial version of my list together without the full breadth of thought that it required. Really, lists require a couple iterations to get them right from the get-go, and from thereon out they’ll always be living documents because tastes change, people change and whatnot. So those three are dropped because they are unworthy when considered against my three newest additions. No offense.

list - noun: a series of names or other items written or printed together in a meaningful grouping or sequence so as to constitute a record: a list of members.

Alright, so that defines a list. What list am I talking about? Well, see, just about all of my married couple friends, and Laura and myself included, have these 5-person lists of celebrities that if we ever actually met them and they actually wanted to have sex with us, it would be cool. Come on, if you’re married, you probably have one of these lists anyway, and if you’re not, you’ve likely heard of them. It’s all in fun anyway, I’d never cheat on Laura in a million years.

That being said, I’m posting about this because I’ve never really built a list before. Laura’s had a list of two for some time now, and this subject came up last night and we were talking about it with Andrew. At the conclusion of the discussion, pressure was basically applied to me to come up with my list. I’ve been procrastinating on it for a variety of reasons, such as “Well maybe this person doesn’t really belong on the list…” etc. But to hell with it, I’m making my list. Subject to change, of course. And now, in order:

Number 5: Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere

She’s the most likely to get bumped from the list should someone else come along… Well, obviously, because she’s #5. She’d probably be fun… lol. Can’t say much more about her, I guess.

Number 4: Keira Knightley

Keira Knightley

For the longest time, Laura thought she should be on my list. And for the longest time, I always said she was too skinny. She still is, but lack of better candidates allow her to make an appearance on my list. There have been quite a few movies where I thought she looked hot and/or gorgeous, so I can’t really leave her off. I guess rather than debate whether or not she belonged on the list, I should have been debating her rank on the list.

Number 3: Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson

At first she wasn’t even on my radar, but then Andrew mentioned her as a candidate and suddenly it was like “Bam! She’s on the list!” Why not higher than third? You’ll see, my top 2 are most definitely on my list. They’re very secure. But Scarlett is indeed pretty hot. I can think of quite a few movies she’s, well, pretty hot in.

Number 2: Jenna Fisher

Jenna Fisher

It was very, very difficult to place her second and not first. Really, I’m serious. She’s every geek and nerd’s fantasy, at least I bet she would be. She’s the cute receptionist on The Office and occasionally she plays these odd-yet-sexy roles in some movies. And she totally plays it up too, hiding her sexiness & such beneath her “mundane” roles.

Number 1: Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes

“What the eff, Robert? What the hell are you doing putting Amanda Bynes #1 on your list? Nobody else would declare her #1!”

That is just a snippet of a long tirade that Ryan Goodman would launch into if he read this. He doesn’t like her. But for some odd reason, I do. She was originally on Nickelodeon shows, like All That, and I didn’t like her when she and I were both younger. But I don’t know man… She’s funny, so that’s a plus, and she looked damn good in Hairspray. So yes, Amanda friggin’ Bynes tops my list.

Wait… Hold on a moment. I think I may have forgotten someone… See, this is why I always procrastinated in building a list, because inevitably, I thought, I’d find someone to put on the list and would have to bump someone off and it would end up being more brainpower than I want to spend, trying to figure this damn list out… So my omitted woman is…

Number 0: Laura Ludwick

Laura Ludwick

Hot damn! My wife tops the list?! Wait, doesn’t the number zero mean not on the list? No, the number zero trumps the list!

Alright alright, so Laura doesn’t really belong on the list because she’s not a celebrity. But she still tops it without being on it. That’s how hot my wife is!

And actually, that photo… Is pretty hot.