list - noun: a series of names or other items written or printed together in a meaningful grouping or sequence so as to constitute a record: a list of members.

Alright, so that defines a list. What list am I talking about? Well, see, just about all of my married couple friends, and Laura and myself included, have these 5-person lists of celebrities that if we ever actually met them and they actually wanted to have sex with us, it would be cool. Come on, if you’re married, you probably have one of these lists anyway, and if you’re not, you’ve likely heard of them. It’s all in fun anyway, I’d never cheat on Laura in a million years.

That being said, I’m posting about this because I’ve never really built a list before. Laura’s had a list of two for some time now, and this subject came up last night and we were talking about it with Andrew. At the conclusion of the discussion, pressure was basically applied to me to come up with my list. I’ve been procrastinating on it for a variety of reasons, such as “Well maybe this person doesn’t really belong on the list…” etc. But to hell with it, I’m making my list. Subject to change, of course. And now, in order:

Number 5: Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere

She’s the most likely to get bumped from the list should someone else come along… Well, obviously, because she’s #5. She’d probably be fun… lol. Can’t say much more about her, I guess.

Number 4: Keira Knightley

Keira Knightley

For the longest time, Laura thought she should be on my list. And for the longest time, I always said she was too skinny. She still is, but lack of better candidates allow her to make an appearance on my list. There have been quite a few movies where I thought she looked hot and/or gorgeous, so I can’t really leave her off. I guess rather than debate whether or not she belonged on the list, I should have been debating her rank on the list.

Number 3: Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson

At first she wasn’t even on my radar, but then Andrew mentioned her as a candidate and suddenly it was like “Bam! She’s on the list!” Why not higher than third? You’ll see, my top 2 are most definitely on my list. They’re very secure. But Scarlett is indeed pretty hot. I can think of quite a few movies she’s, well, pretty hot in.

Number 2: Jenna Fisher

Jenna Fisher

It was very, very difficult to place her second and not first. Really, I’m serious. She’s every geek and nerd’s fantasy, at least I bet she would be. She’s the cute receptionist on The Office and occasionally she plays these odd-yet-sexy roles in some movies. And she totally plays it up too, hiding her sexiness & such beneath her “mundane” roles.

Number 1: Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes

“What the eff, Robert? What the hell are you doing putting Amanda Bynes #1 on your list? Nobody else would declare her #1!”

That is just a snippet of a long tirade that Ryan Goodman would launch into if he read this. He doesn’t like her. But for some odd reason, I do. She was originally on Nickelodeon shows, like All That, and I didn’t like her when she and I were both younger. But I don’t know man… She’s funny, so that’s a plus, and she looked damn good in Hairspray. So yes, Amanda friggin’ Bynes tops my list.

Wait… Hold on a moment. I think I may have forgotten someone… See, this is why I always procrastinated in building a list, because inevitably, I thought, I’d find someone to put on the list and would have to bump someone off and it would end up being more brainpower than I want to spend, trying to figure this damn list out… So my omitted woman is…

Number 0: Laura Ludwick

Laura Ludwick

Hot damn! My wife tops the list?! Wait, doesn’t the number zero mean not on the list? No, the number zero trumps the list!

Alright alright, so Laura doesn’t really belong on the list because she’s not a celebrity. But she still tops it without being on it. That’s how hot my wife is!

And actually, that photo… Is pretty hot.